i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize