Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
