I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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