I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
