How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
