it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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