A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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