im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
