I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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