I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
