I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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