you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
