I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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