i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
