He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
