loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
