My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
