if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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