Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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