I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
