I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
