Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
