I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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