i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just gargled with NyQuil
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
