Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
