i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
