I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
