My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
