Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
