so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
