I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
