i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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