So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
