i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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