I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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