guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
