Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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