omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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