Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
