this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
