maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
