i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
