...so i touched it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize