I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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