If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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