I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
