It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
