I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
