What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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