We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm getting married
To pizza
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
