Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
