I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
