Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
