I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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