i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I need moral support for this bender
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
