There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
