it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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