He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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