Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
