3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
