it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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