I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
