I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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