Please, let me fuck your mom
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
