I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize