i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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