Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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