So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
