Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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