Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes

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(714): View more from California

after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles

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(586): View more from Michigan

Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.

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(540): View more from Virginia

It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.

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(734): View more from Michigan

It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back

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(503): View more from Oregon

I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.

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(303): View more from Colorado

My vibrator broke.

(307): View more from Wyoming

Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?

(303): View more from Colorado

Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.

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