it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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