At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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